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ABUSE!

We looked like the perfect upscale family from the outside. We had a main house with pool and guesthouse with finish sauna, and 3 acres of gardens. We had at least one big yacht. We had beach house for the summers and a house on a lake in Finland. I had my show jumper horses. We had a  roulette table so after guests left my dad would open the we safe and we play with gold and silver bars and Krugerrand coins.

My first memory of Christmas Eve I was 2 1/2 years old. We had big Christmas dinner and open presents. But around 2am my mom came running in to my room and ripped me out of bed by my right arm and said we have run and hide because you’re dad loaded up the rifles and he going to shoot us. Behind the garage was a door that lead in to a room that had 2 deep freezers and than another room with the pool equipment and the broiler for the house. I was 2 1/2 years old my brother Mats was 2 years older than my and then my oldest brother Jan who was 10 years older than me. We all ran in all the way to the boiler room and lock both doors behind us. It was just matter of minutes when my dad shoot the first door open. Now we had move fast, my mom open the window to our long private driveway and threw me out of the window. We all had to run fast and my my mom had me by arm. By the time the had ran down our driveway the first shoot was fired, we threw our self in the ditch beside our mail box. You could her the bullets hitting all around us. My mother said we cannot run in the street because of the street lights, so we ended up running through the fields to my grandmothers house about 2 miles. The whole time I could her him screaming your are not going to able to get away from me and I will shoot all of you. He just keep shooting and running after us.

When we reached our grandmothers house we told her what was happening. She said to run all the to last bedroom upstairs and lock each door behind us. I was crying and throwing up, and then we heard our grandmother screaming at her son you are not coming in go home that’s when he shoot the main door open. We all climbed up on the roof and where hiding behind the chimneys. My dad came all the upstairs and my grandmother stood in front of window and said enough or I call the police. He finally left. This happened every Christmas Eve and every midsummer. I still have couple of scars from bullets hitting my skin.

My dad would never apologize! He would tell my mom what I can get another imported show horse. It was really hard when I started school because after the shooting I would miss a day of school. I would come back to school and people would ask what happened? I would say I fell in the rose garden because I was still bleeding. I seek peace with my horses but my brother Mats could cope with it any longer, so started drinking in our bar and the time to school drunk.

The next day he made a bet with our neighbors kids that he can drink a whole bottle of vodka and ride the bike to school bus but have way he collapsed and was unconscious. He’s friend came running to the house and said call the ambulance. I remember getting in our car my dad, mom, and me. We found his crash bicycle and he was unconscious and vomiting. I was not allowed to go to the hospital but they pumped his stomach and send him home.

After that he started skipping school and drinking in the evening with some of his friends couple of nights a week. My dad would turn off all the lights on the house and the Mats got home my dad attack him and beat him unconscious, I could hear my brother crying for help and my mother crying and saying please don’t kill him.

At age 16 Mats had been lifting weights and became very strong. This night change things around, when my dad attack him he was able to beat the crap out of my dad. I was hiding in my bedroom as usually and could her my brother screaming no more your monster. My brother did move out after that. But I would go and visit him and his girlfriend in there apartment that her parents sign for every lunch at school. My brother was drinking to much and started taking sleeping pills because we all had a sleeping disorder, because we always ready to run.

When I was 8 years old my brother Jan said we going to something fun at 4pm that Sunday afternoon. He was just going the last ride for the season on his motorcycle. We had cold weather moving in fast and my brother hit a peace of black ice in a sharp turn on the freeway and hit the rock and died instead. I was at home with my brother Mats waiting for him come home and he was never late.

At 5 o’clock the phone rang and my mother screamed and was crying hysterical. My parents said had go to the hospital right away. Mats and I with my super nanny Olga waiting for them to get home. They finally came home and said Jan was dead, my mom went straight to Jan’s bedroom and was crying the night. Me Mats was talking about Jan, we said we are never ever going to see Jan again. We could comprehend at all.

The next day the priest was with my mom and dad and I can only her my mother crying solid 2 weeks. The funeral was so strange you put a rose down to the casket and then one shower of dirt. My mom was holding my hand and whisper in my ear can you believe that’s Jan down there, it was my first funeral and I couldn’t understand  at all what happened.

My dad had a brother and a sister that used to live on my grandmother’s compound. She told me that when she was young she was not allowed to play with workers’ kids. That’s when I new something was really screwed up. I got started modeling at very early age and I felt it like a reality escape. But I had a price to pay, my dad starved me for years. I was only allowed water and boiled fish and boiled chicken. No sandwich no soda or the rest the people ate. I learn how to live with it and go on trips to to shoot runway and small jeans commercials that be running in the store windows.

My first job was with my lovely hairdresser, she was very high up in the Wella hair company. She ask me for a shoot for a hair ad forever summer blonde. I still remembered how strange to walking on the street and see you self on huge pictures. And weeks she ask me to fly to Stockholm to be in the Wella hair show, she said that would be flown to Stockholm and lime would pick me up and take me to the hotel. I was excited and call my cousin in Stockholm to come over to the hotel and stay with me. Roger and I had so much fun. We had room service and we could do that ever we wanted that day but the 2 days was work. For me is was a way to pretend I had normal childhood.

The shooting stop when I turn 18 and my mom got cancer. She had lung cancer that spread to the brain. They shaved her hair off and did remove the brain tumor. She had chemotherapy and was on the floor vomiting for 3 days each time. I always stayed by side cleaning her up. She had about 3 months off no side effects. Her hair started to grow back and we where laughing and hugging. But she got more tumors so she had another surgery in her stomach to take out massive tumor. My school teacher pulled my in to his office and said, “I know your mom is dying but your grades are dropping.” And about you mom he said said, “C‘est la vie,” and I said, “Fuck you.”

The day after my mom passed away my dad said I’m going to the Mediterranean to sail our family yacht for year. He gave me a bottle of sleeping pills and said you are going need that. In Swedish law the kids get 50% off the family’s assets, but when my mom was in coma in the hospital he emptied out all the bank accounts and our safe at home. After I found out I told him, “Why wasn’t you how got the terminal cancer instead of my mother.” She was incredible person she was a 3 part owner of a hotel that we hosted the king and the queen of Sweden on year and we had 3 acres of gardens and she would do everything. I was lucky to have the best mother for 18 years. I would never trade!

Last week on Sunday I call my nephew Jim and he was a mess. He been in therapy for 5 years because of visiting my dad 2 times a year. He said he was not able to tell his mom about the abuse because she would get a gun and drive 4 hours and shoot him and she would and up in jail. I didn’t know how much new. He hated cats. I remember taking in a gray and white cat when a was 4 years old and my dad was in New York and Japan for business for 4 months. I loved my cat, but when I got the news he was flying home to Sweden I locked myself with the cat in the bathroom and cried. He would yell at me to open the door. I was screaming no and the he shoot the door open and aimed the rifle at my cat. I head a loud bang and open my eyes and I was covered in blood and pieces of my cat. He used bro put out cat traps on Friday night and Saturday night he forced me to watch him slowly drown half cats slowly, they where screaming for help and the rest of cats he threw gasoline on the cats and one by one lite them on fire. My nephew said the pile with dead cats our over 10 feet high when he was a kid. He have so much hate towards my dad it’s scary. I had 25 years of nightmares about me running in the dark and my dad was running after me and he shooting me in the back, I would wake up screaming every night and now thanks my medical hypnosis therapist I have no more nightmares or hate.

My dad is still alive, his name is Ingvar Hansson and lives a city called Karlskrona in Sweden. I had no contact with him since my 20. I’m now realizing all the guilt. I’m slowly going to help children in similar situations.

I have to thank Jen Aniston the most beautiful person with the biggest heat in Hollywood, she tough me to take care of me first and then help others. Jen I miss you hugs, love Christer.

I want to thank Margarethe Fan for being mine and Brads adopted mom since 1995, she passed away 1 months ago, I will see you in heaven.

I want thank Dr Novack and Aida for always being there for us. I wanted Kay for listing to me every day and support me. I feel so truly blessed every morning waking up looking at the nature preserve outside my bedroom. The bed is full of rescue animals cats dogs.

We will all make the world a better pace.
With all my love Christer

I forgot to thank my hypnotherapist Cheryl O’Neil. Who saved my life and lost soul❤️

Thank you Sandy and Steve for all the support.

Thank you Linda Resnick for your generosity and help.

And to very special friend George Michael. You used to come over to my place 3am a couple times a week and we talk and laughter and cried on my couch. Rest in peace 🙏.


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